“Prometheus” Reviewed – A Hunk of Baloney

This laughable poster is of a scene that never appears in the movie and has nothing to do with the plot. It’s an  amazing example of the level of contempt the filmmakers have for their audience.

I saw Prometheus recently in a large theater, something I rarely do anymore.  It is such a crock, alternating between ridiculous to silly to patently unbelievable. First, this lame effort didn’t seem like it could be a Ridley Scott film.  He is now at least 75 years old, and has about 12 films in “pre-production.”  My guess is that Mr. Scott has lost the brilliant touch of Blade Runner and Alien, but is enjoying life immensely by selling his name to squads of  Hollywood CGI animators and overpaid bean counters whose idea of a good movie is judged by how many explosions per second trigger the theatre’s sub-woofer—(that give me only the sensation of letting out a big fart).  Some observations on why I dislike Prometheus so much:

  1. It discards all known laws of physics, biology, and chemistry just like a Porky Pig cartoon.
  2. It demands you ignore absurd plot element like a ship’s crew that doesn’t have a clue about even the most basic security measures; like characters who have hideous things happening to them but neglect to reveal them to anyone; like high-tech geographers who get lost in a cave;  an incompetent and a collection of bland and uncurious characters who would never qualify for a trillion$ space mission.  I didn’t believe one iota of the film was based in any sort of reality.  If you believe in virgin births, turning water into wine, and re-incarnation, you are the target of this film.
  3. The slightest noise triggers a sonic boom from the sub-woofers, and each sounds exactly the same—shooooooooopBOOOOM!  Ludicrous, predictable, and tiresome.
  4. There is no creative use of 3D at all—I mean why bother when most of the film is dialogue?  It looked basically the same with or without the glasses.
  5. Geiger’s brilliant design influence is sadly minimal.  His original stuff really makes you believe in the bonding of organic and inorganic.  This design is 5th generation rip-off.
  6. The coincidences used in the story are so unlikely they are laughable—I don’t want to spoil anything here, but you’ll know them when your brain repeatedly says WTF?

Prometheus is an example of the Hollywood big budget EFX movie gone amok.  To prep, the theater played endless trailers of astonishingly cookie-cutter-like Hollywood summer adventure films that all look and sound the same:  spectacular car crashes, huge, improbable guns, and big explosions every ten seconds with that same shooooooopBOOOOOM! that Hollywood sound effect editors must all “secretly” share to add that real-expensive-Oscar-in-sound-design touch.  It is used in everything from derringer shots, to car doors closing… I mean what world do these people inhabit where every little percussion has to shake the seats in the exact same way?  Do they ever get out of their sub-woofer studios and into the real world?

From now on it’s Blu-Ray DVDs at home where I control the sound, and don’t bother me with 3D until you learn to use it for more than a gimmick to promote in the advertising.  I’ll spend the $20 for the movie ticket and popcorn on a good bottle of wine and a genuinely engaging and believable little foreign film, courtesy of Netflix.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

* Copy This Password *

* Type Or Paste Password Here *